Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
