So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
