If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I understand Curling. That high.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
