he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
