We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
