Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
