Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
