he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize