I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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