literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
my poor anus
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
