i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize