so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
