Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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