Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
