HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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