I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
