he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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