pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
