You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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