I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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