Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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