If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
