hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
