I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
