Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
