Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
