so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
