Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
