me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
