He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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