hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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