His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
