My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
