I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
