dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
