you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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