Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
