Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
