woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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