I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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