Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
