I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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