Do you still have your period?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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