Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
