Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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