she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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