I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
