Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
