Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
