...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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