Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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