Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize