You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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