Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
