i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
