I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
