I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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