I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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