First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I want her autograph on my taint
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
