very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
