My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
