I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
